About Abortion (a work in progressing/ still writing and editing it)

I have never told

anyone

why I feel like I do (about abortion)

or what it was like to go hungry while I was pregnant

my stomach growling with a baby in it.

begging the welfare office not to cut my food stamps

(they did anyway)

Waiting two days, three days,

I was so hungry during the first half of my pregnancy.

That I kept loosing weight for the first five months.

I remember scraping pennies from every corner of my house

to buy a box of macaroni and cheese for 24 cents.

And making it without milk or margarine

Nothing left in the cupboards

and no car to go and argue with an office of sneering strangers

Stranded without a way to leave a rural area.

Calling family and asking for help and being told

Too bad. (Too fucking bad)

years ago 

that feeling like a punch in the gut

when every tear sucks inward and won't fall

and helpless to help yourself

There is an anger that won't ever leave no matter what you do.
Exasperation, indignation, and finally determination

It's not the emptiness of a hollow
yet pregnant stomach that you remember

It's being turned away
Told no

and
it's knowing that you will not (barring failed birth control)
get pregnant, again and if you did
you would go to any lengths to terminate it
legal or not
clothes hanger, back alley, or drinking poison
throwing yourself down a flight of steps

Just like the good old days

Nothing would be out of the question
and

If Roe is overturned
we'll have some more new fucked up laws
we'll have to break.in order to survive.

I mean it's not like the poor or homeless
will
ever make the endangered species list.
Fetuses and zygotes are not pandas.

And

Rich (republican/right wing evangelical )women
will all still have access to safe sterile DNCs
in the privacy of their doctor's office
and poor women/girls will have
so-called unfortunate accidents/'miscarriages

Ru 486 and drugs like it will be big money
for traffikers and dealers of all sorts
Chemical abortion shots/pills
will be as easy to score
as heroin
at the court house
and sold on every street corner
and as common as crack houses are to small towns
in modern day rural America.

but I digress
back to my dumb fat
so stupid for getting
knocked up, being poor
and having no money

A real
SOB story

Where all  morals



Anyway, about 6 months into my pregnancy
and finally mercy is offered

by the only person who would help 
someone like me

an old friend from childhood

(a person misunderstood by just about everyone else,

but she understands you )

So, so, thankful to have this friend, who cared

and who makes sandwiches at a deli

She would drive 20 miles out of her way

She would sneak the day old ones home to me.

She was told to throw them away

but she’d bring home a whole bag of cellephane wrapped

sandwiches just for me.

and how good it felt to have day old barbeque

and how rich and greedy I felt

with a whole bag of whole wheat, rye, or white

ham, pastrami, and roast beef,

and just how good it tasted

and there was no limit to how many of them

I could eat in the evening

as she arrived at my house 
with the big bag of sandwiches

meant for the dumpster

that ended up in my stomach instead.

Oh yeah,
About abortion
First of all
A zygote is not a baby
All birth control pills are not
abortificants,
Condoms are always a good idea
And should be handed out
As early as Grammar school.
And people who have 17 kids
Should not have fucking TV shows.
Because men's penises are not
God's anointed vessels
And all sperm is not sacred.

What I know about abortion is

The one lesson that I learned in life

My main fact in life

That I learned in my young adulthood

Growing up the hard way

in the southern United States

Louisiana in particular

Was if you’re

POOR

Don’t have children.

If you can help it.

Nobody wants you or them.

My poor friends have kids, now

and I try to help

People have hooked up to my electricity

I've fed entire families

Given out instructions on how to fill out

food stamp, welfare, student aid forms

(stuff I wished I'd known back then)

 Louisiana is  a third world country

in the US.

Tourist come and go
and enjoy the atmosphere
and the food
listening to blues and jazz
and we all
dance, drink, do drugs,
fuck for fun
and
ignore the poverty
live in our squats
and try stay out of

the growing
for profit prison population
while

the crime, the murder rate

the poor kids/crack babies
contine to accumulate.

And there are alot of them

in that state doing

without things that most people in this country

seem to take for granted

like healthcare, adequate housing

and food.

I think abortion, birth control, and sterilization
should be safe, free and legal.

Melanie

(You know it's funny that the same people

who want you to have all these children

are the same ones who want to cut back on

school lunches, welfare, and food stamp programs)

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